Rosewicket Wicca Coven

Okay, so I have a little tiny problem...whenever I'm in a discussion or a small argument with someone and the people on my side of the issue out number the people on the other side, I feel a bit... I'm not sure, guilty maybe?  And I always wonder if the other person or people feel like they're being ganged up on unfairly.  It makes me keep from adding to the discussion or talk because I don't want to feel like I'm just siding with the crowd or trying to bother/pester/harass the other person/group, but sometimes I hold out on talking about stuff I am educated in or know about because of that.  So, should I just suck up my feelings and run my mouth anyway, or is it better for me to stay quiet and see how the discussion goes first?

i think that you should do both where it fits. i think that you should be wise in the manner you say your words in.

but be honest

Well, I personally see a distinction between arguing and debating. Debates are civil, and usually serve to look at a situation for multiple viewpoints so people can draw successful conclusions. Arguing, to me, is more "I'm right, you're wrong", as though people are looking for the one true you-just-won-the-lottery answer that works for everyone - arguments have a winner and a loser. Debates, however, if done correctly, often widen the points of view from people involved. In plenty of debates, I have been given a motive to better examine and explain my stance on many things, and it opens me up to new ideas. I see discussions as more musing on a topic, where everyone is developing ideas together and building off another’s thoughts, where though each opinion is unique, there is no distinction between sides.

If you're in a debate, your opinion is always important. Especially if you have any person experience with the subject, I always think you should add your two cents. Seeing as your information is unique, I feel obligated to share what I know if it is in the best interest of people involved. Who knows, your comment might be the one that makes someone on the other side stop and really think. Respect is always vital, though, in a debate. You want to keep it a debate, and not an argument - so you should be saying things like 'In my experience' or 'I believe that', but you should not be saying 'I'm right, you're wrong'. Perhaps, if what you think has already been clearly stated, there may not be cause to contribute, but I think if you feel an urge to contribute, there must be a reason why.

To be frank, I have been on the 'losing' or 'ganged up on' side of arguments a lot in Pagan discussion. And it did hurt. But the people on the other side who treated it like a casual debate are the ones that made me a better person. If you have an opinion that is shared between lots of people and it comes up in a debate, you should be free to talk about it - after all, if you and so many people know about or believe something, there must be a good reason why - why not share that knowledge? But, perhaps more importantly in the case of an argument, is to not be on a side. You can believe the same thing as people on one end of an argument but morally support people on the other side. If the two sides are arguing, you can always be the sensible person who makes it a debate and says to either side 'I see where you're coming from, however...'.

If you make every effort to use the things you know in a meaningful way and someone is still hurt, you can't really call it your fault, and there is no cause for guilt. If you shared what you believe or thought in a respectful way and it was misinterpreted as conforming to the norm and being harmful, there is not much you can do. You showed good character, and if someone was hurt by it, they probably got caught up in the heat of the argument. Maybe later they can look back on it and learned, I know I have.

Debates are a time for expressing different ideas, not personal attacks. If "sides" start to form during a debate, it's on it's way to becoming an argument (or already is one). During both debates and arguments, I only chime in if I have something important to add. Usually someone's already made my point for me, so there's no point in just saying, "I agree with so-and-so." I feel the same way, though; I do tend to feel guilty when I'm on the "winning" side, so to speak.

In any case, as Chi said, respect is important. Debates are supposed to be learning experiences, so even if you feel like you're winning/losing, you can turn it into a lesson for yourself.